I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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