I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
