dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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