the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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