We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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