It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
