the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
