you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
