last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
