At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
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