she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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