How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
