What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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