it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
