Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
