Jerry, you need to find god
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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