1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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