Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
