I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
