The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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