I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
