If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
