Don't you send me to vm
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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