last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
