I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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