Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
