So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
