a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
