Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Two words: blizzard sex
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
