Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
