so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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