puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
