wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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