Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
