Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
