I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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