I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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