I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
