I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
