You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
