Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think i have herpe
just one?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
