I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
