They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
