I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
