quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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