Need sex. Gaining weight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
