we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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