walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
