respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
