3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Im part way to drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
