My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
