I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
